There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.

He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that.

Today is the worst day of my life.

First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me.

When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing.

I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.

I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener.

I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life,
you show up and drink my poison …”

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SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors’ statements as proof.
We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour’s leave without pay.

DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to . . . or after death.

This new benefit program started yesterday.
The Management

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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,

“No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.
You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs,

“What do you mean by 5000 per night!”

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The boss had listened in sympathetic silence as
“Shankar” went through the reasons why he needed,
and felt he deserved, a raise.

Then, with a compassionate smile,
the CEO patted he younger man on the shoulder.

“Yes, Shankar,” he said kindly,
“I know you can’t get married
on the salary I’m paying you…
and some day you’ll thank me for it.”

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A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts,
“Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”

The wife says, “Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?”
He says, “I don’t care! Just be out by the end of the week!”

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A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him
and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, “What was that for?”

She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Sadaf Khan’ written on it.”

He says, “Honey, remember last week when I went to the track?
‘Sadaf Khan’ was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.”

She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he’s reading his paper when she walks up behind him
and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, “What was that for?”

She answers, “Your horse called.”

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An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

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A driving instructor: What would you do
if you were going up an icy hill
and the motor stalled and brakes failed?

His student replied; I’d quickly adjust the rearview mirror.

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In the Chemistry class the teacher was describing how August Kekulé, the scientist accidentally discovered a formula to express Benzene.
Kekulé once dozed off in his lab while trying to arrange the six carbon atoms in a particular format alongside six-hydrogen. The scientific community in the entire world had no answer either. Suddenly he had a dream and in his dream he saw two snakes eating each other and suddenly he woke up and tried to write out the formula that way and that was how we got the Benzene ring as we know it today, she said.
The teacher however felt bad finding a girl in the front bench dozing off all this while and pulled her up.
A boy from the rear said: Madam, please spare her; who knows she might come up with another formula for Benzene!

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Teacher: Mazhar, what are the two days of the week,
which start with letter “T”?

Mazhar: Today and tomorrow Sir.

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