A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag.

The teacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me,

I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart?

Johnny relied! I can’t.

Teacher asks, why not?

Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says,
BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!

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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an “F” in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ’6.’”
“But that’s right!” The father replied.
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’”
“What the heck’s the stupid difference?” asked the father.
“That’s what I said!”

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Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said

“Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts”

Immediately little Johnny said, “Ooh me sir me”

The coach then said, “But Johnny you are the worst in the team!”

Then Johnny said, “I know, but goalposts can’t jump!”

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The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, “My daddy fell in well last week.”

“Good Lord!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”

“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”

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Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.”

I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that.
Why didn’t you just laugh?

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.

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A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
“Yes! Of course! My pop taught me…even more than 10″
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your erm…dad did a good job. Now…so what comes after…lets say ten?”
“A jack”

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Little Johnny’s class were on an outing to their
local police station where they saw pictures of the ten most wanted men,
tacked to a bulletin board.

On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer,
“it was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”

“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

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Four animals a Snake, a Cock, a Cat and a Centipede (Kankajora), all heavy smokers, were playing cards together.

When the cigarettes run out, the snake, the big brother, said, “Cock, go out and get some packs! You know, I have NO legs.”

“But why me?” said the Cock, “I have only TWO legs!”

So, the task fell on Centipede with no doubt. Centipede said nothing and left the room.

The left three waited and waited, but Centipede did not show up.

One hour later, they couldn’t wait anymore. “What’s the devil Centipede doing?” Snake said impatiently, “Cat, go out and take a look!”

When Cat gets to the door, he got frightened.
Centipede was SITTING there!!!!

So the angry Cat said, “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t you see? I’m putting on my shoes,” said Centipede.

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Mobin and Mono are sitting in boat fishing, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.

When out of the blue Mobin says,
“I think I’m gonn a divorce my wife she ain’t spoke to me in over a month.”

Mono sips his beer and says,

“Better think over, women like that are hard to find.”

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