One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.

For example,

if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started
back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a
grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did
you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your
private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen
before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
“My wife’s first husband.”

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Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: “You can have mine.

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MAN:
1- Pull up to machine
2- Wind window down
3- Insert ATM card, enter PIN
4- Retrieve cash
5- Drive away

WOMAN:
1- Pull up to machine
2- Open door (too far away from machine)
3- Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card
4- Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair
5- Insert Card
6- Remove card
7- Insert card the correct way up
8- Search for piece of paper with PIN on it
9- Enter PIN
10- Enter correct PIN
11- Retrieve cash, put in bag
12- Drive off
13- Reverse back to machine
14- Retrieve card
15- Drive three miles away
16- Release hand-brake

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Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.

The first man said, ” my wife was reading a “tale of two cities” and she gave birth to twins”

“That’s funny”, the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the three musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets”

The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed,

“When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves”!!!

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One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny’s teacher about his behavior,

when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down the hallway.

The principal stops Johnny and asks him, why are you running?

Little Johnny says; I’m keeping two kids from fighting, sir.

Who? ask the principal.

Me and the kid chasing me;

and he went off.

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Little Johnny “why is your homework in your Dads writing?” the teacher asks.

“I used his pen,” he replied.

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Little Johnny wasn’t very good at spelling.

During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word “new” on the blackboard.

“Now,” she asked Johnny, “what word would we have if we placed a “K” in the front?”

After a moment’s reflection, Johnny said, “Canoe?”

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, ‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?

Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’

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